My Chef

Q: What do you get when you cross a stag party with a head chef?

A: A bill in excess of £200 charged to the hotel and a fire hazard

Another staff party, another night of serving tedious guests who think they own the place just because 'so-and-so' works there. However, it wasn't the staff's guests who caused the most problems this time; it was the member of staff himself.


I'd never seen the head chef drunk before, but it was entertaining. I especially liked the bit where he called his girlfriend at 4am telling her how drunk he was and asking if he was a bad boyfriend.

Throughout the night, he wouldn't let any of his guests pay for their drinks (even though they kept trying) and instead insisted that he would pay for all of them. However, he would then instruct me to bill it to the hotel. As it was a stag party, this resulted in A LOT of drinks being charged to the hotel.

Additionally, in stag night tradition, the groom-to-be was dressed in drag and had a 'blow-up-love-sheep' handcuffed to his arm. Needless to say, this looks a little strange to other guests staying in the hotel, who are trying to have a quiet drink in the bar.

As the night progressed, a wedding party arrived back at the hotel and mixed with the stag party in the bar. Fearing this may lead to problems, we had several of the largest members of staff standing nearby in case someone needed to be removed. Thankfully, this was not the case, as the stag party managed to scare all other guests out of the bar.

They then decided they were hungry, so the chef ordered us to make up some sandwiches. When he found out what we charged for sandwiches he was apalled... A little strange I think as he's the one responsible for this. He declared that he would prepare something instead. What he meant by this was that he would turn on the deep fat fryer and prepare chips.

The chef's plan made the nightmanager 'uneasy', so he transferred me off the bar and into the kitchen to keep an eye on the chef and ensure he didn't deep fry his hand. However, on my way to the kitchen the chef walked past me and went and sat straight back down in the bar. We thought that maybe he had given up on his plans, but instead found he'd just left the chips unattended sitting in the fryer. This led to a convergence of all staff in the kitchen, hurriedly trying to work out how you cook chips in a fryer as none of us are trained in that respect (or insured - the hotel isn't even insured to have the fryer ON when there's no one trained on duty/sober)... The chef eventually returned and finished his plan...


In the morning, when the chef finally turned up for work, he announced that he felt "sick as a badger's arse" and was then called into the general manager's office to explain his drinking bill...