My Bribe

First off, I'd like to apologise for my slight absence. The hotel is in a bit of a state currently as a fair number of upper management have left and the more lazy staff are now un-managed, meaning they're doing as little work as possible. This in turn means the more motivated staff are having to work much harder to pick up the slack.

Additionally, I managed to burn my hand quite badly and typing became a bit of a challenge.



Anyway, I felt I should discuss my bribes.

At night, it becomes a bit of a challenge to ensure that the bar remains quiet and under control, so as not to wake up or disturb guests in the surrounding rooms. Whilst attempting to do this, we are often offered bribes.


Bribes can vary from;-

a) Drinks - The most common bribe, though I can't drink on duty and I drive home when I finish so I really don't want it

b) Cash - Usually around £20-£40, though I was once offered £1000 if I would 'look-the-other-way' and arrange for a prostitute

c) Food - Occurs when guests have brought food into the bar and I tell them they can only eat it in their rooms (I get offered Dominos about twice a month)

and

d) Cigarettes - A bit redundant as I don't smoke, but becoming more popular as the smoking ban means I am forcing people outside and the instant reaction is to offer me one if I let them stay


However, I had a group in the bar recently who went above and beyond the standard bribery.

I asked them to go outside to smoke, and so they offered me a cigarette.

I told them I needed to see the hotel identification they were given on check-in before I could serve them, and they offered me a drink.

They wanted me to undercharge them, and in return they'd give me cash.


And then they excelled themselves...

"Mate, do you mind if I rack up on the table?"

"You'd like another round?" - He's been asking me previously to 'rack up' drinks

"No, no. Do you mind if I rack up some lines of coke?"

"Yes, I mind"

"Why? No one else will see. We're the only ones here"

"That's irrelevant, sir. You cannot take drugs in the bar"

"Oh come on! You can have some!"


That's the first time I've been offered drugs by a guest, and I'm almost surprised it hadn't happened sooner.

My Sick Day

I try not to take sick days unless I have to. The few times I have been absent from the hotel, were when I had food poisoning (happens more often than you think - I'm pretty absent minded when it comes to checking expiration dates on food - I've had food poisoning 3 times in the past year).


Currently, due to a mass exodus of staff, I am training 4 people. A couple of nights ago, one of the trainees didn't show up. Instead, he'd sent his housemate who was one of the other trainees. My absentee had rung in and told the duty manager that he was sick. The duty manager hadn't asked how; he'd just accepted this. However, I know them a bit better and wanted to make sure he was okay, so asked my arrival.


Our conversation went something along the lines of:

"He can't walk at the moment"

"What?!"

"No, he's okay! He just needs a day or two to recover"

"Why can't he walk?"

"He was wearing boxers that were a bit tight too long and they've really badly chafed his legs. They were bleeding"

"He cut himself on his boxers!?"


I really wish the duty manager had asked him what the problem was when he rang in. This is the poorest sick day excuse I have ever heard. It begs the question, when he noticed his boxers were hurting him, why did he not change underwear? However, given the trainee, I can believe that this thought never actually occurred to him...


Is there a worse reason to take a sick day?

My Scottish Wedding

As mentioned previously, the hotel plays host to many weddings.

The last wedding I served at was a Scottish wedding. For me, this means several key differences from my standard wedding service.


For starters, when most guests get drunk, if I concentrate, I can still understand them. With a Scottish wedding, as the guests get more drunk, they become less and less understandable, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot understand them.

Secondly, because the hotel is not in Scotland (Although I stated that I am based in the UK, to be more specific, I live in England) the guests have had to travel a fair distance and knowing this have planned ahead... i.e. They have arranged for coach transportation so that they do not have to worry about designated drivers and can get absolutely trashed.

Thirdly, traditional Scottish wedding attire is of course, the kilt. Whilst this is traditional attire, it does not bode well for the inevitable 'piss-up' that will follow. The presence of kilts makes my job of watching over the bar a lot harder, as I try to avoid accidentally looking up them.

(Additionally, when a Scotsman passes out from excessive drinking, one of their female friends is bound to flip up their kilt.)

Needless to say, it was a long night...


Moral of the story:- When serving at a Scottish wedding, though you won't want to see a Scotsman's penis, you probably will....

Also, if a Scotsman says he wants to play his bagpipes in the bar, and promises it will be quiet... he's lying.

My Change

As it's been in the news recently, and others have mentioned it (Pizza Hut Team Member, Arriva Driver, etc.), I thought I should throw in my thoughts on change... or lack of.

I would like to see more £5 notes. It's somewhat shocking to see how much the levels have dropped in the last few months alone.

However, I would much rather see £1 coins. For that matter, I would also quite like to see 50ps.


At the hotel, our reception staff are in charge of sorting out change. This is not normally a problem, and I can run up to reception when running low and swap some of my notes for smaller denominations. However, we recently had a new front office manager appointed... and the department has nose-dived.

An example of how she has killed the department, comes in the form of change:-


For my float a couple of weeks ago I was given £40.

£40 is a standard float, though £40 in the form of 4x£10 notes is not. When I discovered this, I went back and demanded to know how she expected me to give change to guests when all I had was £10 notes.

I was informed that we had no £1 coins, 50ps, or 20ps. If I wanted to break down some of my notes, she could give me 10ps.

...I went and lodged a formal complaint with the ops manager, then returned to bar and got abuse for about an hour from guests who didn't appreciate getting £3.50 worth of change in 10ps. Hard to blame them really.


(I later found out that one of the receptionists had been to the bank twice that day and not been asked to get change at any point)


It took 2 weeks before our new manager was yelled at by the ops manager, who I had complained to every day, and she reluctantly went and sorted out change...