My Stages of the Night

Strangely regular as it is, over the course of a night I will, as a standard, go through plottable stages. These stages can be summarised as follows:-


Stage 1

I've had a drink in the pub before I come in. I'm nicely relaxed and positively eager to hear all the boring tales that guests want to tell.


Stage 2

My buzz is wearing off. I'm still smiling at guests, but it's forced. I've begun to check my watch.


Stage 3

My buzz is completely gone. I've usually dealt with at least one annoying guest and I'm not smiling unless a guest is right in front of me. I'm checking my watch every 20 minutes.


Stage 4

I'm irritable. I'm hungry. I'm getting tired. I barely smile. Guests are getting increasingly drunk and my polite demeanor is fading fast. I'm checking my watch every 15 minutes.


Stage 5

I'm bored. I'm stressed. I'm starving. I've cleaned the bar in preparation for going home. I've started to gently despise all guests who remain in the bar. I'm checking my watch every 10 minutes.


Stage 6 (usually achieved only if guests remain in the bar past 3am)

I hate everyone. I'm gruff and have a slight scowl on my face when guests ask me for things, confident that they're so drunk they either won't notice, won't care, or won't remember. I've begun coming up with strange games to pass the time. I've already created a miniature version of myself, made out of corks and toothpicks. I've made some origami cranes and they're hidden under the bar, where only I can see, saluting me. I'm checking my watch every 3 minutes.


Stage 6 is usually the final stage. I've only achieved the rare 'Stage 7', when I was on shift for 15 hours.


Stage 7

I'm exhausted. I'm starting to see things that aren't there. The hotel is making strange noises at me. I can't quite remember what I've done and what I haven't. There are gaps in my memory. The morning day shift receptionists have come in, as well as the breakfast chefs. Their chirpy attitudes are freaking me out. I think they're trying to gang up on me. I'm going to die in this place.