My Conundrum

It seems to be that I start all my posts recently by apologising for the lack of posts.

In keeping with that tradition, 'I apologise for the lack of posts recently'. Now for the why:-

The hotel is currently circling the drain. We've lost so many managers that the few that remain are each covering 3 other departments. The complete lack of leadership and monitoring of staff has meant that a large percentage of the serving staff have become fed up and left as well. We are now basically running on a skeleton crew, though relief workers from agencies and other hotels are expected in the next few days.


You might ask why this post is titled 'My Conundrum' and how that relates to the current staffing problems.

Essentially, with so few managers' positions being filled, someone decided that I was needed elsewhere and promoted me to management. I'm now the 'Assistant Night Manager' for the hotel.

I'm quite happy with this as although the hours are obscene, at least they're set and I don't stand around for hours wondering when I'll be able to leave (as was the case with working on the bar). Additionally, I get more pay, more responsibility, and do less work. The work itself is harder, but I can get it all done in 4 hours leaving me the remainder of my 8 hour shift to spend however I so choose - Personally, I like to either sleep, finish up some of my uni work, or watch a film (Whoever decided it would be a good idea to order reception a PC with a DVD player deserves a medal).


Again, you might ask where the 'conundrum' in this is.

When I started this blog, I was writing as a barman. My 'brief' is written as such, and even my template and profile are designed around this theme. However, I'm not a barman anymore, which kind of goes against the point of the blog. The question therefore lies with, should I continue it?


I think I need to look at why I started the blog. In my case, on occasion it gives me a place to vent, and I think some of the happenings at the hotel are quite interesting. Additionally, it gives people a behind the scenes look at an organisation they may not have seen before.

With this in mind, I think I will continue posting. Hopefully I should become more regular again soon when the relief staff arrive.


I think my template and design of the blog itself will have to change though. My profile clearly needs an update...

My Faith In Humanity

In May, I posted about a couple who left their baby at home and took a baby monitor out with them whilst they had drinks in the hotel (one which wouldn't work due to the range). 3 months on, I feel an update is needed.


I have now seen people take baby monitors into the bar on 5 separate occasions. This is despite the high profile of the Madeleine McCann case, and the warnings/advice that has come up as a result.

I'm forced to ask, do people really think taking a baby monitor with them into the bar whilst they leave their child at home/in their room, is a sound precaution? Is this seen as the new, economic and effective way to ensure a child's safety, whilst the parents are away?


Appalled as I am by everyone who brings a baby monitor into the bar, I was especially disgusted at the guests who were in last night.


I was walking past one of the bar's closed off seating areas when I heard what sounded like a TV. Knowing we don't have a television in that room, I entered to investigate.

The room was deserted, but I could still hear this slight static noise.

As I stood still and tried to pin-point its origin, I heard a sob.

The sob turned into a wail.

It was then that I found a baby monitor sat on the floor next to one of the sofas.


Taking a baby monitor out with you instead of hiring a babysitter is one thing, but to then abandon the baby monitor?!


I returned to the bar and announced to the crowd that I had found a baby monitor next door, and that the baby was crying - Admittedly, I was trying to shame the parents

However, what destroyed my faith in humanity was not that people had taken a baby monitor out with them and then abandoned it, but instead:-


The reaction I got from the crowd


No one cared. No one! Everyone listened to my announcement, realised it didn't relate to them, and then continued their conversations!

I'm sorry, but that just makes me feel sick...

My Crying Guests

I'm sure every barman has at some point or another had a customer cry in their bar.

I was reading Manuel's blog 'Well Done Fillet', and was appalled by his story of the mother and daughter birthday duo, where the daughter abandons her mother to hang out with her friends (HAS to be read!!)

I'm not sure where people break down in tears more, restaurants or bars, though I would be interested in opinions - Having worked only in bars, not restaurants, I have no comparison


It's always a challenge to know what to do when a guest starts crying in the bar. Harsh as this sounds, being a hotel bar we have the added problem of whether or not the guest is actually staying at the hotel or just 'visiting the bar'. If they're staying in the hotel we can't kick them out as we have no closing time, so they could theoretically sit in the bar all night - one guest stayed till 5am, when I eventually managed to convince her to go to bed


If a crying guest is sitting at the back of the bar, I take it that chances are they don't want to be talked to.

If a crying guest is sat at the bar, I figure they may want someone to talk to. However, at the same time, they may just want to have someone close to them, they may not in fact want to be spoken to.

Dilemmas!!


My first step is usually to approach the guest with a tissue. Depending on their reaction, I can then decide whether or not to attempt to speak with them. If they start talking to me, I'll have a chat with them. If not, I'll ask if they're alright, and then leave them alone.

If I am very busy, I sadly do not have the time to check on crying guests, let alone go over their problems with them. In these cases, I usually direct a manager towards them.

With some guests though, it's difficult to determine if they are genuinely upset or just somewhat loopy...


My most 'entertaining' crying guest sat at the bar sobbing for 5 minutes, and then burst into laughter, giggling to herself for another 5 minutes, before lapsing back into sobs. This continued for about 4 hours.

She chatted to me for the duration of this episode, telling me her tears were tears of joy, and that she was just really happy! Hmm...

By the time I finally managed to convince her to go to bed she could barely walk, so I offered to help her. Before we set off she insisted on hugging me, and when we got to her room she hugged me again... She then kissed me and tried to pull me into her room!

I gently explained to her that I couldn't come in, and left her. However, the night manager told me the next day that he had 4 calls from her, asking if the barman was still around and requesting room service.


Crying Guests, not something I was ever trained in how to deal with...

My Complaint

Again, sorry about the lack of posts. The hotel is still ridiculously understaffed and we seem to be losing people on a daily basis. This means that I am working on average, 14 hours a day, and 6 days a week.

Anyway, I thought I'd give some guidelines on how to complain, so as to get the most out of the hotel, in terms of complimentary gifts.


1) DO NOT complain about petty things - It just makes you seem petty and the hotel will gently try to appease you, but not go out of its way. Additionally, they will take serious complaints less seriously if you complain about everything

2) AVOID getting angry - There is a time and a place for you to raise your voice, and that is when you have complained and nothing has been done. If you get angry straight away, it may mean your problem is resolved more quickly, but the staff will dislike you and will try to avoid you

3) DO NOT try to be clever, patronising, or demeaning - This one really needs an example, but I'll leave that to the end.

4) BE polite - There is no need to be rude or swear whilst making a complaint. Entertainingly, I watched someone make a complaint to a manager, only to be told that if he swore again whilst they were talking in a public area, the manager wouldn't care about the complaint and would just throw him out.

5) BE good humoured - There is a limit to this I admit, especially if the establishment is making really big, stupid, mistakes. However, if you joke with the staff member who you are lodging the complaint with they'll tend to work much harder for you, not just in the short term whilst dealing with the complaint, but also throughout the rest of the evening


I mentioned that I would include an example. This was a complaint I received recently, where the guest did none of the above.


The guest called me over by snapping his fingers at me. Having arrived at his table, he presented me with the bar menu and told me to read out loud the description for the 'Chicken Caesar Salad', which he was eating.

I read it out and it finishes with '....topped with hot chicken'. He then basically yelled at me, that his chicken was not hot and clearly had not been hot for a long time (this was due to a new chef who did not realise the chicken should be hot). He went on to reel off a list of complaints, including a running joke within his company about how long it takes to check into the hotel when they stay, and the tone of my voice when I said 'no' answering an earlier question!

I apologised profusely, refunded the meal, and offered him anything off the menu complimentary.

However, this guest had in my eyes shown me absolutely no respect and treated me like a child. He would have received much better service from me throughout the rest of the evening if he had actually been polite, good-humoured, and calm. Additionally, he wouldn't have had the rest of the staff deliberately avoiding him.


Oh, additionally, never snap your fingers at a waiter. It's demeaning and I tend to deliberately ignore people who do it at me unless I'm looking right at them when they do it.

My Bribe

First off, I'd like to apologise for my slight absence. The hotel is in a bit of a state currently as a fair number of upper management have left and the more lazy staff are now un-managed, meaning they're doing as little work as possible. This in turn means the more motivated staff are having to work much harder to pick up the slack.

Additionally, I managed to burn my hand quite badly and typing became a bit of a challenge.



Anyway, I felt I should discuss my bribes.

At night, it becomes a bit of a challenge to ensure that the bar remains quiet and under control, so as not to wake up or disturb guests in the surrounding rooms. Whilst attempting to do this, we are often offered bribes.


Bribes can vary from;-

a) Drinks - The most common bribe, though I can't drink on duty and I drive home when I finish so I really don't want it

b) Cash - Usually around £20-£40, though I was once offered £1000 if I would 'look-the-other-way' and arrange for a prostitute

c) Food - Occurs when guests have brought food into the bar and I tell them they can only eat it in their rooms (I get offered Dominos about twice a month)

and

d) Cigarettes - A bit redundant as I don't smoke, but becoming more popular as the smoking ban means I am forcing people outside and the instant reaction is to offer me one if I let them stay


However, I had a group in the bar recently who went above and beyond the standard bribery.

I asked them to go outside to smoke, and so they offered me a cigarette.

I told them I needed to see the hotel identification they were given on check-in before I could serve them, and they offered me a drink.

They wanted me to undercharge them, and in return they'd give me cash.


And then they excelled themselves...

"Mate, do you mind if I rack up on the table?"

"You'd like another round?" - He's been asking me previously to 'rack up' drinks

"No, no. Do you mind if I rack up some lines of coke?"

"Yes, I mind"

"Why? No one else will see. We're the only ones here"

"That's irrelevant, sir. You cannot take drugs in the bar"

"Oh come on! You can have some!"


That's the first time I've been offered drugs by a guest, and I'm almost surprised it hadn't happened sooner.

My Sick Day

I try not to take sick days unless I have to. The few times I have been absent from the hotel, were when I had food poisoning (happens more often than you think - I'm pretty absent minded when it comes to checking expiration dates on food - I've had food poisoning 3 times in the past year).


Currently, due to a mass exodus of staff, I am training 4 people. A couple of nights ago, one of the trainees didn't show up. Instead, he'd sent his housemate who was one of the other trainees. My absentee had rung in and told the duty manager that he was sick. The duty manager hadn't asked how; he'd just accepted this. However, I know them a bit better and wanted to make sure he was okay, so asked my arrival.


Our conversation went something along the lines of:

"He can't walk at the moment"

"What?!"

"No, he's okay! He just needs a day or two to recover"

"Why can't he walk?"

"He was wearing boxers that were a bit tight too long and they've really badly chafed his legs. They were bleeding"

"He cut himself on his boxers!?"


I really wish the duty manager had asked him what the problem was when he rang in. This is the poorest sick day excuse I have ever heard. It begs the question, when he noticed his boxers were hurting him, why did he not change underwear? However, given the trainee, I can believe that this thought never actually occurred to him...


Is there a worse reason to take a sick day?

My Scottish Wedding

As mentioned previously, the hotel plays host to many weddings.

The last wedding I served at was a Scottish wedding. For me, this means several key differences from my standard wedding service.


For starters, when most guests get drunk, if I concentrate, I can still understand them. With a Scottish wedding, as the guests get more drunk, they become less and less understandable, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot understand them.

Secondly, because the hotel is not in Scotland (Although I stated that I am based in the UK, to be more specific, I live in England) the guests have had to travel a fair distance and knowing this have planned ahead... i.e. They have arranged for coach transportation so that they do not have to worry about designated drivers and can get absolutely trashed.

Thirdly, traditional Scottish wedding attire is of course, the kilt. Whilst this is traditional attire, it does not bode well for the inevitable 'piss-up' that will follow. The presence of kilts makes my job of watching over the bar a lot harder, as I try to avoid accidentally looking up them.

(Additionally, when a Scotsman passes out from excessive drinking, one of their female friends is bound to flip up their kilt.)

Needless to say, it was a long night...


Moral of the story:- When serving at a Scottish wedding, though you won't want to see a Scotsman's penis, you probably will....

Also, if a Scotsman says he wants to play his bagpipes in the bar, and promises it will be quiet... he's lying.