My Desires

Having worked at the hotel for a while now, I have compiled a list of things I wish I could do, but sadly cannot.


1) To turn around to a customer when he insults me and be able to insult him back (I have kept this in so long that if I ever did, I'd end up unleashing a tirade of abuse that would probably span a solid 10 minutes and contain every profanity I know)


2) To be able to throw back at customers the objects that they throw at me (the largest to date is a bottle - bear in mind this is a hotel bar, and in my opinion this should not happen at all)


3) To collapse behind bar (I'm of the opinion that no one would notice until someone in administration glanced at the security cameras, either by chance or because a guest rang reception from the phone on the bar to demand service - I am not the only one who is of this opinion, I'd just like to test it)


Those are the sensible ones - I have others...


4) To be able to mute guests (I've heard every complaint before and every story they'd like to tell. I DON'T CARE. I DON'T CARE that drinks are expensive - You're in a hotel, not a bar! I DON'T CARE that there's nothing open in town at 3am - What do you expect me to do about it?! I DON'T CARE that you're horny, I am not going to try to arrange a prostitute for you! I DON'T CARE!


5) To be able to make all female guests appear young and beautiful (sorry, but if I have to listen to crappy stories, I could at least have something nice to look at)


6) To be able to turn myself invisible

(This has several applications)

a) When the bar is quiet and guests sit at the bar and force me to talk to them - I have to stay on bar, but it would stop them from talking to me. Don't get me wrong, sometimes talking to guests is nice, but sometimes I'm really just not in the mood.

b) I'd be able to see what guests do when they think no one's watching. I'm convinced some of them try to either steal things or get 'busy'.


7) To be able to skip time - Come on, this needs no explanation.


8) To be able to selectively remove my sense of smell (my boss stinks. Really reeks. An odd mix of body odour, sweat, and fast food. One of the temp. staff actually nicknamed him 'Mister Stinky'. It's unbearable spending any amount of time with him.


There are others, but these are the main ones...